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Monday
Sep222008

Dear Friends and Fans

As you all know, I have suffered the slings and arrows of life as a corporate peon day in and day out. How do I bring myself to rise up to the abuse every day? Today I will let you in on a couple "big screen" fantasies of mine which deliver me from the clutches of my hell with a smile on my face.

1. Granted, I work for a strong man, a leader and a relatively good dresser, but there is another man I dream about, the too-good-for-words Ryan Gosling. Oh, how I yearn for Noah Calhoun to love me eternally. Every night when I turn "The Notebook" on I can't help but close my eyes and imagine it was me he met at the carnival. Don't be fooled, my dear readers, the happiest place on earth is not Disneyland. It's on Noah Calhoun's rowboat drifting down a lake filled with hundreds of white ducks as it rains heavily and our wet clothes clench our bodies.

2. There are men I dream about and sometimes there are men I dream to be, like Kurt Von Trapp from "The Sound of Music." I know, I know, he's not sexy or well-dressed. He's better! He's a Von Trapp Family Singer! I love them all so much (except annoying Brigitta - yuck) and would never favor one child over another, but there's just something about Kurt I connect with. I don't know, maybe it's because I, too, am an incorrigible young buck under the control of a powerful, emotionless Captain Von Trapp. Kurt gives me hope. He is free now, frolicking in the hills with his brothers and sisters, tipping over canoes, and yodeling. Doe-ray-NOT mi! I still sit captive, dreaming of the day a kind-hearted governess emerges from the elevators, walks over to me with hand-sewn play clothes to rescue me as, just she did Kurt.

3. I also escape to various worlds beyond the one we know. To fly through space on the Millennium Falcon with tough chick Princess Leia, adorable Chewie and the rogue Han Solo. I've so often of dreamt being Luke Skywalker, the first gay superhero. I'd draw my light saber, use the force and do battle for the future of the galaxy with Darth Vader. And once I've saved the galaxy, me, Yoda and the version of Obi-Wan played by Ewan McGregor would relax with a blue milk cocktail at the Mos Eisley Cantina, the most fabulous lounge this side of Lucky Cheng's.

4. Don't "Say Anything" when I'm dreaming about Lloyd Dobler standing defiantly outside my window, blasting the celestial sounds of Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes." There is something about a sweaty kickboxer with a sensitive side that makes me have unpure thoughts. I can't help it. I fantasize all the time about losing it in the back of my father's car, or sitting next to him during his first flight, putting him at ease as the plane goes up and I go down. Oh, what Lloyd could do to Lloyd.

5. And then there are times when I think I'm not cut out for this life at all. Nights when I look upon the human condition, and I don't want to be human at all. I just want to be held gently, preferably by Antonio Banderas in a black mask. I am Zorro's sword, the most lethal, and loved, object in Mexico. Antonio grabs me by the butt - that's a technical term, I think :) - and with three flicks of his wrist, I cut Catherine Zeta-Jones' dress off. But Antonio doesn't care that a beautiful woman stands before him disrobed, no sir. Antonio would give it all up if I, his gay blade, were in jeopardy.\

Dear readers, what are your fantasies? To where do my wonderful readers escape from the rat race? To whom do you sweet readers give yourselves to when the lights are low and your imaginations are running wild? Do tell in the comments! Until next time, ciao!

Lloyd

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